A train journey:

My friend rightly said it will take me at least 2hrs to reach the Bangalore railway station. Now on earth, the easiest mode of transport from one place to another would be flying. So I always wonder a pair of wings, which would protrude from my back. But I am not a mutant as the X-men movie features. I occupied window seat in the bus as I always fond of one. Clock was ticking I just had an hour left to board the train. It was nearly two months; I have not seen my parents.

So by any cost I just want to board the train. Beautiful city, it’s because of the people I guess. It’s a happening place. IT city, lots and lots people floods in every year. Tall towers and the most sophisticated buses in the country. All that you need to do in this city is fly high and enjoy yourself. Nothing strikes my mind until I just checked my watch again. Its quarter to 2. “My train” flashed all over my brain. Reached the bus stand exactly 2.00pm. 

I screamed like a kid “my train”. It’s about 1km from bus stand to railway station. I had no hope that I would catch my train. But each and every cell of mine told me to give a try. I just rushed as if this is end of the world. As I reached the station I could see a train just passing by. I rushed moved my foot as fast as possible. I knew entire platform was watching me. I thought I was making a winning run against Pakistan in cricket match. My new pair of shoes made a lot of noise on the dry platform.

Last bogie of the train; to slide away from the platform. I manage to push myself into the train. I took long breaths. I had a smile in my face. I read it. All of sudden I thought let me check out my reservation. Before, that shock of my life. I could see only female predominately dominate the bogie. I just put my head and checked for the coach number.It was written “SLR” (special ladies reservation). I was puzzled what to do? Fraction of second a lady approached near me.

By her tough looks I thought she could be Sub Inspector in police department. She walked straight towards me “hello, mister this is ladies compartment. How could you get into it?”  My legs were trembling very hard. I told her “by mistake”. She gave me starring look as if she wants me to straight away jump out of train. Her verbal communication was strong. I didn’t know what to do? Guys just imagine in front of fifty women. For the first time in my life I hated myself.

She told me she would hand over me to railway guard. All that I could do is try to digest her words with hatred. All of sudden a beautiful girl popped out from the mass. She come near us and took the lead. She faced towards the women and asked her to be quite. And she told it will take only an hour for next station and she said her “he will get down”. All of sudden god has opened the gates. She asked me to follow her and she gave a place to sit next to her.

No words were exchanged for at least for 5 minutes. I was thinking this girl is the fairy tale angel who my grand ma always refers to. I was completely swept off by her beauty.

Long curly hair and well dressed. My entire meter dropped down to zero when she took hold of a kid. I was puzzled I looked her forehead, fingers and legs. Then she asked me you lost something. What you’re searching for? I just asked her is this your kid. She told nope”I am not married yet”.

My cheeks got glowing. My heart started pounding faster. Half an hour for the next station to arrive. I thought to take a chance. I just started with the conversation “Thanks”. Then she handed me the kid saying “go to uncle”. My heart stopped for while. Then I thought if your age is close to 25 you’re “uncle” stamped by the society. Later on conversation between me and her was like, we discovered something between our self. This is the moment I was waiting for my entire 25 years of life.

I was thinking train journey would end up into journey of my life. Wavelength between us was like sinusoidal wave continuous. I prayed God, "some how train should reach late to next stop". The stop arrived it was my time to move out. She accompanied me till the door of the coach. I put my steps heavy on the platform. I was about to ask her the phone number. Everything in me went blank I was still in the bus. I was day dreaming. I just checked my watch, its just quarter to 2.00pm.

My angel here I am coming for you :)-

IT’S MY LIFE, I GOTTA GO:

Hey guys this story is all about my unspoken feelings towards a girl. It’s a beautiful feeling. Everyone has an extraordinary story to tell, one such thing happened to me. This story is nothing to do by giving advices or tips on how to have a successful relationship?

Neither, I’m your dad to guide you through nor your mom to check if you have gulped the entire bottle of milk. This story is all about my experience; no not at all it’s about one’s experience in life.

A crack head asked me what is life all about. I thought and couldn’t find any answer.. As engineers, anything we wanted to know, we just Google it.. I just surfed through Google then I understood “life is all about searching”. Yeah right let’s get buckled up and read through chapter one.

Chapter 1.My real kick off to a girl:

Do you think I’m going to give you Einstein’s fourth law of making love to women, not at all? As humans got civilized they had to go on with their regular life every day. Love is all about magic, you want things to happen on its own. But do realize that every magic is nothing but illusion behind which trick is all what you have to learn. The basic thing in life is all about love. LOVE, the four letter word does it all.

The perfect partner is all that you search for the entire life and you get hooked up with a wrong one. That’s all it. No one can clean up your mess unless you do it by yourself. Many of us don’t know where to start it all. I’m a very bad starter too. I do accept. Let’s roll down to my own experience.

 Here we go, one fine day you know like any other day. A beautiful girl passes by, all that she did was just passed by. My heart started to pump faster. May be I needed a surplus amount of blood supply all over my body. My blood cells wanted to follow her that’s why I guess.

My heart rate would have reached 170 for the first time in my life. Oh god I said not for this girl please. I would rate any person a scale out of 10. She is just the perfect 10. I nowhere rated myself 3 in the scale. Like in movies, Wind didn’t blow hard, thunder claps weren’t heard and sun didn’t hide itself among the clouds. One more normal day. You know, even a photographic image can be destroyed.

But glimpse of her remained in my heart. Very romantic isn’t it. Get over! Then I would wait like a crazy junk head for time to fly by and watch her again. In life always do understand, when you feel weird try to get rid of it. Otherwise it grows. The hour hand and minute hand in the clock exchanged its position and the very next day, I saw her again. WIP – women in pink always attracts men’s mind.

I couldn’t resist myself, she was with her friend. I just moved my legs towards her direction.  She was near a fruit stall. Oh my god I was about to reach nearby her. May be few inches it felt like 1000 miles to reach my destination. Every time when I believed the word destiny, it betrays me! The moment I saw her eyes, I felt I’m the lightest soul on earth who can fly.

I was about to coin a word. Disturbances, guess what? Her friend came into the limelight. My lights were turned off. Opportunities are made and they don’t knock at your door steps. When you always want some advices and suggestions listen to your friends.  They give it to you, free of cost. Everyone talks as if they have done doctorate in girl’s art.

But still one can’t resist him from what his friend says. Day in and day out my mind was wavering. Camera flashes all over us. It was my wedding day with her. I used to make fun when people say about their day dreams. That day I laughed at myself. I even thought what I would name if we have kids. I wish I would just dream all about my life closing my eyes. 

You create your own world a world of greenery, no traffic and no pollution. You and your loved one. I was waiting for the dawn, the very next day I looked at my office with new dynamics. Before further continuation into my story I would like to put the entire thing very situational. I would like to paint the environment .The entire story happened at my work place. So let’s drive on.

The very next day I saw her in cafeteria. I thought this is my day I have to somehow make it. I was waiting for the right time. You know right time would be when no one is around your girl. For the safer side I noticed her slippers.  They were old. I just followed her and said “Hi”. A formal way to start your conversation.

Immediate she replied back “Hi” without any hesitation. I read it through her face. It’s because probably she would have seen me staring at her, no doubt. Once she said her name to me, I spelled it thousand times in my heart. “SARA” the most beautiful name. I was encircled with joy. Then I just said to her “I work here”. She replied, she is under training and she left.

I felt I have achieved something in life. May be if I would have swum against 7 oceans in the world. I would have not felt so happy. My heart was pounding faster, every time when I spell her name in mind. I appreciated god’s hand for making artistic picture in real existence.

Her images were flashing all over my mind. The best feeling I ever had.  Then minutes turned into years and hours turned into decades. I was waiting to see her back. I couldn’t resist myself. Her images were hammering my head. I just went to the training center and waited near the door step about two hours. Then my angel just stepped out.

She didn’t notice me. She went to have a cup of tea. I just walked near her and said “hi” the most common word that everyone uses for different relationships that exists in the world. She replied back. I just asked her when the training would get over and when was her exams. All these giant IT companies have a custom of training the fresher’s and putting them into work.

Even I was one among the flock a year back. She just said that it is going to get over in a week and her exam was schedule. Like a kid with no money in hands and looking at the sweet stall. I was admiring her. To me love is like a magic it should happen, like it happened when I saw Sara. She left from that place. One thing was sure. I was a total stranger to her.

Next day in the cafeteria, I saw her with a boy. May be her friend, I thought. But still guys, admit the truth whenever you see your girl with some other guy you get a minor shock. Same thing happened to me; I took a breath and marched straight to them. I said “excuse me”. The other guy just moved out from that place. May be, he is done with his breakfast. But that second was like butterfly flapping all around me. I just told her that, I just want to have a cup of coffee with you. Guys, A cup of coffee can do anything in the world. I could see 2001 questions running through her mind. Oh god, I don’t want my angel to feel bad. Don’t drag me to hell for doing so.

Then she slowly moved her body. I could feel she was heavy she would probably thought “who is this guy, I don’t know him”. She gave me a complete villain look like I have slaughtered down thousand heads at a stretch. She said “no, I have got some other plans immediately after the exam, so I can’t make it up”.

If a girl wants to hang out with you, even though she has 101 problems. She will hang out with you if she wants to. If she doesn’t want to come out with you she will give you a list of reasons. Same thing happened to me. Finally I somehow made her to accept.

The very next day she had her lunch and she was about to wash her hands. I just followed her, went towards her. I acted as if I have not seen her and she reacted to me. I just said “We are meeting at 4:00 PM today for a Cup of Coffee”. It was much more commendable from my side. I know guys it is not how you handle with a girl. But one has to learn from his own mistakes rather than hearing it from others.

So make mistakes and learn things from it. I just moved out from that place. I jumped from earth to sky. First day I noticed flowers in the campus. Everything was new around me. I was able to give new dynamics to things I see. It was 2:00pm I just went and sat in the cafeteria. No one was there, the whole place was empty. 

Like a junk head, I was laughing but I still don’t know why. It was 4.00pm by the time when I looked at my watch. I was thinking about her every fraction of second. Love always starts with beauty. But to me love exists for no reason. For example-if you love a girl for her beauty then as time passes by your love is faded.

My love towards her was for no reason. I want to try to understand her more and more. I had no reasons for loving her. I just want to participate in her happiness. I just want to lend my shoulders when she needs it. I just want to care for her every second till I am alive.  My love was true, I could feel it. I didn’t know how to express it or I didn’t know how to approach a girl.

It was sharp 4.00pm my legs started trembling. I caught hold of it with my hands. But my hands started shaking and I couldn’t see her till 5.15pm. Waiting for her just 3 hours is nothing. I could do it all my life for my angel Sara. Then I noticed she was out. Orange colour dress suited her the most. Oh man, she is gorgeous.

 She just came into the cafeteria and she was not bothered to look at me. She was with her friend Kate. I just escorted her and asked her how was her exams? She replied she cleared through and she was topping the batch. For sure, she was the best in the studies too. I was just saying to god why you give everything to one person? Then she asked me why you called me, I just said I didn’t call you.

My understanding was a phone call. Then she said why you called me here. In the sense, for a coffee. I just said chumma {Tamil word}. Whenever you are totally in fear, you tend to talk in your local language. Same thing happened to me. Note in Hindi chumma means “kiss” and in Tamil it means “just like that”. Yeah right guys language problem.

She reacted to me hard. I just said her “just like that I called you”. She said “You called me to make friendship of that sort”. I just said maybe. She said “no I’m not interested”. She gave me a tough look. She caught hold of her friend’s hand, Kate. This is reality guys. No drama was going out there. I was totally nervous and she was much more than I guess.

With anger I opened the door. I just walked away. My heart stopped for a second. I went out to get some fresh air. My heart pumped the blood as if 10hp motor. I thought I have to do something. I just went for 5km cycling. Did not know what to do? I was not expecting this from her. I was not able to come to normal for at least 3 hrs.

I just thought she could have stabbed me with a sharp knife. That would have been much better. Learn from your own mistakes that’s what I say to my juniors. Expectations are mother of all screw ups. That s what I learned .From the very next day. I decided not to meet her again, never in my life. My angel, I thought let me put an end to this.

But at that time I didn’t know it was just a start to my love story.

Chapter 2.Broken heart can be fixed:

I just found her number and seriously thought whether to call her or not at least ten thousand times. My heartfelt to give one last try. Finally I called her. The first question that she asked me was “who are you?” Cloud 9 vanished away. I felt like I was hit by a powerful missile.  I was able to look my broken shadow beneath me, unbelievable. Expect the unexpected.

When someone asks you who are you? You just normally pull out some unique memories that you and other person would have shared. I just pulled out one memory. “Sara the other day I called you for a coffee”. She replied “yeah tell me”. Girls are girls. They tend to be very normal if even world goes upside down.

I just said “The other day you just triggered a bullet into my head; I am still trying to trace it out”. She just replied “I should be telling this to you”. Guys what else you want me talk. So I just said “All the very best for your future”. She just said thanks. Phone was dead at the other end. All that I got out of the conversation was 2 rupees detected from my mobile and a full stop to my dream world. 

I have decided to put an end to this. From my childhood whatever I like, I don’t get it. It continued, I guess. I was fighting with my mind. I was trying to be stronger. The very next day, I saw her again. My angel, my mind and heart synchronized together and said one thing “You can give your life for her”.

Yes I fell for her. Love is like one way you just step into it. No exit, I thought I could do anything for her. But I wanted her to be happy. Then I thought let me not disturb her. That’s what she wanted from me. But accidentally I met her many times. All that my mind chanted Sara, Sara…..Days passed by, weeks passed but nothing changed. One day, I went to the cafeteria. She was there. She was very normal. But guys, the weakness that we have is “we can never act as good as girls”. Whenever you say “you are normal” you’re not. Whenever you say “you’re not sensitive” your are sensitive. I keep telling people I’m normal and not sensitive .My angel kept disturbing me like waves in the sea shore they don’t stop.

I was asking God what is my destiny all about. Like any other day, I went to library. Guess what? She was there. I just borrowed some books and stepped out of the hall. I noticed a familiar face with Sara. She was sitting outside. None other than Kate. I just asked her “Are you Sara’s friend” She replied “yes”.

 I was very sure she knows me and the entire story. It is obvious she would also never like me. I just asked “Did you guys get your posting because your training was over long back”. She said “No”, general talks then; I just said I felt really bad what happened the other day. I’m really sorry if I would have hurt Sara.

For some reason, I just gave her my mail id. I had no intension to talk to Sara again. When I returned back to my work. I just received a mail stating “the other day the way you approached I didn’t like it. I have erased it from my mind”.I replied back to her. I returned back to my house played hard core rock music and danced like I’m never going to dance again. The entire suns energy would not be sufficient for me. I was very happy. I thought if I die this moment I had nothing more to do in life. For next two days she didn’t come to office.

 I couldn’t ask Kate. I was like a new born baby wanting to cry so hard. Then there was no other go , I called her. She suffered from fever and swollen arm. Guys that hurts. It hurts you more when your loved one suffers.

All that I could do was to pray nothing else. Then I got a call from her. The very first call from her side, she said she got posting in Pune. It was a shock of my life. All of a sudden you’re going to miss someone. I thought Pune, just 1hr travel by air from any part of India. So don’t worry. All that you have to do is win her heart.

Immediately she has to leave the place and report in Pune. All that I did was booked my train tickets to my native. So that I thought I wouldn’t do anything stupid. Like sending her off. I just want to play my coins very safely. I just want to win her heart. Being desperate wouldn’t help it. So I was out of town. I just called her and said “All the best for your career Sara”.

Every second was like hell. Since she was not around me, she said she will give me the new number as soon as she gets one. All that I did was kept watching for hours the building where she stayed. My friends called me psycho. I guess I was mad for her. I was starring at my phone. So that some point I would get a message from her. I was starring at the phone for 10 hrs continuously.

I had my phone while I was eating, sleeping, working, and boozing. After a week I got a message it was like quenching my thirst after a very long time. It was very normal after that. All that I did was trying to understand her better. So finally I decided let me decide a day. To tell her that “I would be the luckiest person on earth to fall deeply and madly in love with you. Will you marry me?”

Before that I just went to my parents asked their permission. They said ok. My mother had a diamond studded golden ring. I always say to her that I would take it from her to give it to my girl. I thought time has come for that. I waited for her birthday. She is one year elder to me. She likes cameras. I bought a digi cam. I was waiting for the day so that ring will be onto my angel’s finger.

I was dying for her birthday. Before telling this to her I just wanted to say this to Kate. I don’t know why but I did. Shock of my life she said she is into a relationship. I felt cold. I was frozen. I killed my phone. All that I could do was sit and cry. Some harsh words to god. I never knew I had so many tears.

My tear glands became week and numb. I took off to office. Many thoughts were flashing in my mind. She was totally into me. It was really hard to push her out. I was lost in the dark. I was like dead man walking. I just posted in face book asking “Give me some ideas to kill oneself”. I was surfing through net which would hurt less physically. I know I’m an idiot. I was not expecting this.

This was like nowhere in the picture. I thought tracks were very clear. I cried my angel, my angel……Pain, Trauma all over me. I always consider myself as a winner because I didn’t have anything to lose, until I saw Sara. I thought of getting addicted to alcohol but what does alcohol do other than spoiling your health. The truth is I was not able to take it. According to me there are only two types of people in the world.

                        *One who is behind pleasure.

                        * One who is trying to get rid of pain.

I belong to the second category. I did not know what is my future going to be or will be, but one thing was sure she was not there in it. It is full of pain. No words to describe the trauma that I went through. God, Don’t do this to me. I just want to do something. I just joined gym to overcome the pain. It worked to certain extent. I always had her memories locked in my heart.

Every time when it beats it reminded me of her. I tried to concentrate more on work, explore new places and movies. The truth is nothing worked. Then I reached a saturation state where above that I become numb. I could feel no pain. Then I thought love is something that happens and you don’t have to expect anything in return.

One side love is the most powerful one. I found a stronger relationship with her “friendship”. I need not to impress her any more. I needn’t think thousand times before calling her. I can call her anytime I want. Friendship is much stronger relationship than love. I realized may be this is what my destiny is all about, to watch her being happy from far away. I carry the memories that she has given me for whole of my life. Love is magic. A four letter word like it happened to me when I met Sara.  I end this up with few drops of tears that are piercing out of my eyes.

                                   

                                    My Angel…….. It’s my life, I gotta go…..